The Holy Scriptures and Me

Yesterday Mark sat the phone on the scriptures as I was about to read them.  He was being helpful, putting the phone within my reach before he went outside with Leto.  At first I thought it was the remote control and I automatically thought, "Not the tv over the scriptures..." (more about that later), but then I realized that it was the phone and I thought, "How appropriate, since I'm getting ready to call Heavenly Father and talk to Him."  And I did just that, because that's what reading His words and praying to Him is - having a personal conversation with God.

My earliest, dearest memories are of lying on the bed my mother sat on, as she read the Bible to my siblings and I.  She picked stories to tell us that we could digest at our young age; my favorite was of a man who fought off his enemies with the jaw of an ass.  That really impressed me!

Whatever the story, there was a light in that room that I've never forgotten, and it's only there when I read the scriptures now, alone or with others...and at very sacred moments.  At those times I feel like I am in the presence of my Father, at home with Him and safe, so very loved and blessed.

I cherish the memory of reading the Book of Mormon with my kids when they were growing up.  We would pray, silently and individually, afterwards.  That always put them in a peaceful, quiet mood before heading off to bed.  I felt a circle of light around them, and I wanted to be worthy to be in that circle.
When I was in the hospital much of the time, we let that practice slip, but I know at least some of the kids continued studying and writing in their journals.  I wish we could have been 100 percent, but that's life.  It sure would've benefited all of us to do so.

There have been times when I have gone without feeling that I was getting any answers to my prayers, when they seemed to hit the ceiling and bounce right back at me.  I don't think I was reading the scriptures during those times.  At times (usually every time I think of reading them, in fact), I feel resistant or afraid, until I actually open them and my eyes fall on the page.   Then, as long as my desire for truth is sincere, I am drawn in and feel Heavenly Father's voice speaking to me through His words.  I liken them to myself and I can't deny what I feel, even though it goes against what the world teaches me to feel. 

The best times are when I pray beforehand, asking Heavenly Father to answer my questions or guide me.  So often, it is amazing how personalized the answers are, and I feel such light and hope begin to enlarge my spirit.  I know those things are true.  I recognize them deep in my soul, and nothing else feels the same.

Brother Jensen  of LDS Social Services once told me that some people should only read the joyful scriptures, as Pollyanna told her minister in the Hayley Mills movie of the same name.   Bro. Jensen said that the harsher verses are meant to warn people who are stiff-necked and slow to hear, but other scriptures are for people who are hard on themselves already, and they should concentrate on those.  I've found that to be helpful for me, because I used to dwell on being "spewed" from God's mouth for being lukewarm or even wicked.

I was very fearful.

Dad always talked about the possibility of us having "a hidden, rotten core," and I took him at his word.  I realize now that that denies the principle of agency, but I didn't know that at the time.  I wish I had, for it would have saved me years of misery.  I'm so happy that Dad has surely found, through his obedience and faith here and his education since he died, that that's not really the way things are: we all make mistakes, and there are those of us who love contention, lies and destruction, but we are free to choose our way.  Some of us have limited agency, because of the false traditions of our fathers or ignorance, physical or mental limitations, lack of exposure to the truth, and so on.   There's no denying that, but we have God's promise that we are not held accountable for those things we are limited in.  That's not the same thing as having a rotten core that we don't know about.

At first I struggled to find the joyful scriptures, but now I seem to be led to them.  I don't know when that happened - it was probably something that happened over time, over years of trying to learn what Heavenly Father was teaching me, in every way I could.  (I've never been good at learning in Sunday School or reading the lessons, even; it went right over my head, either way - I guess there was no Velcro in my brain for things to stick to, lol.  Only when Mark teaches the lessons do I learn, and I have benefited so much from his teaching and example of love unfeigned.)

Our family Bible was always kept on a scripture stand and nothing was ever placed on top of it.  To this day, the only thing I'll set on top of the scriptures is more scriptures, hence my thought about the tv remote.  I'm so grateful to my parents for instilling that respect in me.

Somewhere, I have the New Testament that I got in Primary.  I remember trying to read it all, when I first learned to read.  I think I got lost in the begats, 'cause I didn't get very far.  Oh well...

Later in my life (in my 30's, when I got desperate enough, lol), I carried my triple combination everywhere.  Then I started keeping scriptures or the Ensign in the bathroom, where I spent a lot of time, before starting on Reliv. : )  Now I keep them on a shelf, right outside our bathroom door, and I usually read them once a day or more, like taking Reliv.  It's just as essential.  No, more essential!  My health and happiness depend on them.  

I testify to you that the holy scriptures are for us, in our day, and that nothing else can tell us who we are and what we truly desire like they can.  Nothing else can bring the peace and strength that comes from communing with our Father in Heaven.  He's the biggest guy in the room, so it's good to be on His side.  (Smile)

Fill your lives with light and joy.  Find your way.  

I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I love you!

xoxoxo