The Holy Scriptures and Me

Yesterday Mark sat the phone on the scriptures as I was about to read them.  He was being helpful, putting the phone within my reach before he went outside with Leto.  At first I thought it was the remote control and I automatically thought, "Not the tv over the scriptures..." (more about that later), but then I realized that it was the phone and I thought, "How appropriate, since I'm getting ready to call Heavenly Father and talk to Him."  And I did just that, because that's what reading His words and praying to Him is - having a personal conversation with God.

My earliest, dearest memories are of lying on the bed my mother sat on, as she read the Bible to my siblings and I.  She picked stories to tell us that we could digest at our young age; my favorite was of a man who fought off his enemies with the jaw of an ass.  That really impressed me!

Whatever the story, there was a light in that room that I've never forgotten, and it's only there when I read the scriptures now, alone or with others...and at very sacred moments.  At those times I feel like I am in the presence of my Father, at home with Him and safe, so very loved and blessed.

I cherish the memory of reading the Book of Mormon with my kids when they were growing up.  We would pray, silently and individually, afterwards.  That always put them in a peaceful, quiet mood before heading off to bed.  I felt a circle of light around them, and I wanted to be worthy to be in that circle.
When I was in the hospital much of the time, we let that practice slip, but I know at least some of the kids continued studying and writing in their journals.  I wish we could have been 100 percent, but that's life.  It sure would've benefited all of us to do so.

There have been times when I have gone without feeling that I was getting any answers to my prayers, when they seemed to hit the ceiling and bounce right back at me.  I don't think I was reading the scriptures during those times.  At times (usually every time I think of reading them, in fact), I feel resistant or afraid, until I actually open them and my eyes fall on the page.   Then, as long as my desire for truth is sincere, I am drawn in and feel Heavenly Father's voice speaking to me through His words.  I liken them to myself and I can't deny what I feel, even though it goes against what the world teaches me to feel. 

The best times are when I pray beforehand, asking Heavenly Father to answer my questions or guide me.  So often, it is amazing how personalized the answers are, and I feel such light and hope begin to enlarge my spirit.  I know those things are true.  I recognize them deep in my soul, and nothing else feels the same.

Brother Jensen  of LDS Social Services once told me that some people should only read the joyful scriptures, as Pollyanna told her minister in the Hayley Mills movie of the same name.   Bro. Jensen said that the harsher verses are meant to warn people who are stiff-necked and slow to hear, but other scriptures are for people who are hard on themselves already, and they should concentrate on those.  I've found that to be helpful for me, because I used to dwell on being "spewed" from God's mouth for being lukewarm or even wicked.

I was very fearful.

Dad always talked about the possibility of us having "a hidden, rotten core," and I took him at his word.  I realize now that that denies the principle of agency, but I didn't know that at the time.  I wish I had, for it would have saved me years of misery.  I'm so happy that Dad has surely found, through his obedience and faith here and his education since he died, that that's not really the way things are: we all make mistakes, and there are those of us who love contention, lies and destruction, but we are free to choose our way.  Some of us have limited agency, because of the false traditions of our fathers or ignorance, physical or mental limitations, lack of exposure to the truth, and so on.   There's no denying that, but we have God's promise that we are not held accountable for those things we are limited in.  That's not the same thing as having a rotten core that we don't know about.

At first I struggled to find the joyful scriptures, but now I seem to be led to them.  I don't know when that happened - it was probably something that happened over time, over years of trying to learn what Heavenly Father was teaching me, in every way I could.  (I've never been good at learning in Sunday School or reading the lessons, even; it went right over my head, either way - I guess there was no Velcro in my brain for things to stick to, lol.  Only when Mark teaches the lessons do I learn, and I have benefited so much from his teaching and example of love unfeigned.)

Our family Bible was always kept on a scripture stand and nothing was ever placed on top of it.  To this day, the only thing I'll set on top of the scriptures is more scriptures, hence my thought about the tv remote.  I'm so grateful to my parents for instilling that respect in me.

Somewhere, I have the New Testament that I got in Primary.  I remember trying to read it all, when I first learned to read.  I think I got lost in the begats, 'cause I didn't get very far.  Oh well...

Later in my life (in my 30's, when I got desperate enough, lol), I carried my triple combination everywhere.  Then I started keeping scriptures or the Ensign in the bathroom, where I spent a lot of time, before starting on Reliv. : )  Now I keep them on a shelf, right outside our bathroom door, and I usually read them once a day or more, like taking Reliv.  It's just as essential.  No, more essential!  My health and happiness depend on them.  

I testify to you that the holy scriptures are for us, in our day, and that nothing else can tell us who we are and what we truly desire like they can.  Nothing else can bring the peace and strength that comes from communing with our Father in Heaven.  He's the biggest guy in the room, so it's good to be on His side.  (Smile)

Fill your lives with light and joy.  Find your way.  

I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I love you!

xoxoxo

Post-Conference Weekend

Hello, Dear Ones.  Did you all enjoy Conference?  We certainly did, especially Elder Holland's talk and the song, Tell Me the Stories of Jesus.  Mark said there was a terrific one on forgiveness, which I didn't hear (on Sat. morning).  I also loved Elder Bednar's talk.

I was left with the lingering impression that we need not apologize for living the principles we believe in, unchanging and eternal as they are; that we are to hold on to what we do believe, and pray to believe more, as in, "Yea, Lord, I believe; help Thou my unbelief," (in so many words). 

I will continue thinking and praying about these admonitions, and I'm refreshed by the Apostle's simple and direct language - hearing them speak is like a breath of fresh air!

Also, Pres. Monson asked us to remember that we all yearned to return to our Heavenly Father - every one of us, and to be patient and loving with those with other beliefs and opinions.  Wise counsel for our day.  

Today I went for a stress test to check my arteries out and see how they're doing.  Instead of walking, I was given an injection of a hormone that's secreted during exercise, to stress my heart and check my circulation.  That kind of test is so uncomfortable for me, and I'm glad it's over!  Also, now I can eat, which I couldn't since midnight last night.  (It's technically the next day, but it still feels like Monday to me.)  Anyway, the test and it's followup, a few hours later, kept me corralled all day long.  Poor Mark had to sit there and try and stay awake, since he usually likes to accompany me.

The workers were very friendly and upbeat, and that helped us helpless, pathetic beings.  

I know...whine, whine, whine.  It's the *little* things that are most difficult for me!  : )

This evening we watched Shrek Forever After, which we both liked.  That's a first for us, for the Shrek movies.  I'd like to get that one.

And I've been reading a book about Highclere Castle, the real Downton Abbey, and Almina, the girl who married the Earl of Carnarvon and was the mistress of the household, corresponding to the mistress of D.A.  It's fascinating!  Thanks to Bonnie for recommending it.

Mark goes to the dr. in the morning; I'm happy that he found someone he can get checked by.  So far, he is too busy helping me to be sick himself!

And here's letting you know that Bonnie and Dennis and John Ringer and family (he's my Uncle Gene's boy - they visited us here in I.F., years ago!) will be joining us for our family reunion on July Fourth!  Isn't that great?  They'll be around the week before that, too.  Check with Bonnie to talk to her about their plans, and I'll keep you posted, too.  (Bonnie, correct me if I'm wrong about any of that, ok?)

So that's the news from here.  Hope you all are well and strong.
We love you bunches!

xoxoxo

Anniversary Report

I really don't remember much about it, but I loved going to a matinee of The Host with Mark.  I took my time with the promised shopping at TJ Maxx (I bought 2 bars of sweet almond soap - I love that creamy, cherry blossom smell!), and, after a long search online, we remembered the little Gangplank restaurant and immersed ourselves in hot, delicious seafood.  They don't have crab legs or jumbo shrimp (but it is  butterflied) - it's not Red Lobster, but they have the best fish, clam chowder, deep-fried zucchini, and honey-buttered scones!  Oh my word, did we enjoy ourselves.  

And that, my dears, is my report on one heck of an Anniversary Day, lovingly felt and noted.

Other years, we've squeezed in  a little something, if we remembered (one year, we didn't realize we'd forgotten all about it until weeks later!), but this year, we had the luxury of time.  See...there is an upside to being unemployed!  We didn't have to spend much: we could just as well have gone to Barnes and Noble, then driven out to the dark hills to gaze up at the stars (we'll be doing that soon : ); it was the emotional weight of commemorating our day that was so fulfilling.
  

Our Wedding Day

In the past, we have celebrated every five-years:  the fifth year, we went down to the Salt Lake temple and joined with his family in being sealed for all Eternity (long, long story about that delay, but it worked out beautifully, to the day, so it felt like somehow it was meant to be that way).  Our sealer spent some time talking to us about his diabetic wife, and he was so compassionate with my needing a wheelchair to stay off my feet at that time.  I also remember Mark's father and brother Scott being there with us and expressing their love and support for us.  Seth was brought in and sealed to us, and we couldn't have felt more complete. 

Susan and Mike had kindly prepared a repast for us all, at their home.  It was a sunny day, I remember, and an island of peace for our family.

The tenth year, we went to SLC again, this time for a Clay Aiken concert.  We had Megan and Melinda with us, and we had a ball.  This was his big concert tour with Kelly Clarkson, and he was still full of enthusiasm about performing.  I'll never forget when he strode into the back of the stadium, singing, and we were all cheering wildly.  We were up high, to the left of the stage and visible to him and his band members.  The girls moved up to some empty seats and waved to them, getting a charge out of their responses.  Mid-concert, their rendition of When Doves Cry was awesome.  

Afterwards, we waited outside for Clay's bus with a crowd of excited ladies, and we filled the time by taking pictures of ourselves with a good sported look-alike:

   

And one of his assistants handed me a basket of goodies, one of many that he'd been given and gone through, then gave away; he had no room to keep the whole things.  I remember there were breath mints for his dog, and a string of red hearts, all lit up and wrapped around the handle.

As his bus pulled up, finally, he waved at the crowd.  I looked at him pathetically as he pulled away, but Melinda actually ran with the bus till it stopped at a light.  He was looking out the back and joked with her, making running motions, then waved goodbye as they took off.

I'm delighted that we got to see him before he became more world-weary.  Megan and I saw his Christmas Concert in SLC, later that year.  He seemed detached throughout, and didn't even look out the window as his bus pulled out afterwards.  I'd gotten to touch his hand as he walked by, during the concert, but we didn't get the same feeling from him.  He'd really looked at the audience before.  He'd been pretty sick the past fall, and was tired, but still, it wasn't just that.   Maybe he was feeling the pressure, especially from hiding his gayness from his mom.  I hope he's happier now.

Our last five-year anniversary, Mark and I got way-back seats to an Idol summer concert, mostly to see Adam Lambert perform.  He looked like a speck on the stage, and we couldn't hear over the screaming, but at least we could say we saw him live, right?  And we'd kept up our tradition, lol.  I think we'd done it all last minute that time.

We're already planning (fantasizing) about next year, when it will be our 20th Anniversary, plus we'll both turn 60 years old!  So far, we've joked about going on a 3-day cruise, but we don't even know where he'll be working or if he'll be working, so we;ll have all kinds of things to consider and explore by then.   Maybe we'll live near a big city.  If we're still here, we talked about flying to Las Vegas on Allegiant (so inexpensive!) and seeing Jersey Boys and eating at a buffet.   What fun that would be!

Or maybe we'll attend the beautifully ethereal Rexburg Temple. built not far from where the kids and I grew broccoli and squash the first year we lived there.  We joined a community garden, up on the hill.  I love that we did that.  (Most of it flopped, btw.) 

Whatever we do, I know that we'll be together, one way or another.   

That's just the way this family rolls.   ; )

At Mark's Niece Julie's Wedding, Susan Asked us to Pose, and We Were Glad to Oblige

Have a blessed day!

We love you!

xoxoxo